Ewwwwwwwwww
Snake –
Hey man. I know you were trying to hide behind the garden, but I saw you. You weren’t doing anything sketchy except existing and being snake-ish, which in my book is sketchy enough.
Ok fine, you’re getting a bad wrap — and go ahead and blame that second Harry Potter movie if you want — but c’mon, you should just accept the fact that people are freaked out by you. You’re slithery, sneaky, creepy and sorry, but I have no interest in trying to be pals with you.
I don’t do snakes
Regardless of my complete disdain for you scooting around our property like you own the place, I allowed you to live for two reasons:
- Maybe you’ll help keep small rodents out of our yard and house. My thoughts on mice go from “Awwww, hey there cute little guy!” when they’re outside my house, to “I will laugh while murdering your entire family” when they’re inside my house.
- Ok fine, you got away. Good job. My only “plan” was to try to poke you with a broomstick, so yeah…not really “thought through” all that much. Shut up about it.
Listen, Slithery McSnakeface (that’s what I’m calling you now), just do your part and keep mice away. We made a deal. We didn’t shake on it because you don’t have hands, and also ew, but yeah, we made a deal.
Let’s make this work
Maybe this is all a good reminder that although being nice by default is important, not all relationships need to be deep. It’s ok to have a functional relationship that merely holds the status quo for both sides.
Perhaps we can be an example that sometimes you have to trust someone — or something — that you don’t particularly like. It’s difficult, but often necessary. That’s real-life adult stuff right there.
In other words, we don’t have to like each other to make this relationship work.
I don’t know much about your day-to-day struggles, but I can only imagine that you have some. Finding food. Finding water. Not having idiots trying to poke you with broomsticks. That kind of thing. But I will concede that my lack of knowledge about your struggles doesn’t make those struggles less real for you.
I don’t need to understand what you’re going through to accept what you’re going through.
So here’s the deal
I’d be cool with never, ever, ever seeing you again. I am sure you feel the same way about me because FYI, I have been working on my broomstick skills.
And I won’t miss next time.
Let this be one of those times in life where we just do what we’re supposed to do, do it well, and keep on living.
Too often in life, we’re made to believe that everything we do has to be exceptional, but we both know that if everything was exceptional, then nothing would be.
So I’ll put my broomstick down and you do your thing at a reasonable distance.
Cool?
Cool.
I think this is going to work out well.
-Vijoy
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#bewhatyoumake
