There is always more at play than you know
We were all fifth graders once, so I’d like to ask you to close your eyes and take a few seconds to remember what it was like.
Got it? Good. Now add that it was a new school, too.
There? Nice. Now add that you had to wear a coat and tie every day.
Good. Finally, add that always-about-to-pee-your-pants kind of nervous. Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about.
Ok. Now that we’re all inside, here’s the story:
Classic first day stuff
It was my first day of 5th grade at my new school. It was a lot to process for one day, but I did have friends and familiar faces there, so I thought it was going to be ok. My new shoes were on point, my braces were…well…shiny…and my bowl cut was…well. Let’s move on.
I figured that if I happened to have forgotten anything, I could find a friend and borrow it. No big deal. Except I had forgotten to bring the one thing that I absolutely needed and couldn’t borrow.
The combination to my locker.
The piece of paper that had my class schedule and locker combination on it was at home. That goddamn thing was the only thing I really needed and I didn’t have it.
Ok, for my classes…I knew that TJ and I had the same schedule and his locker was right next to mine, so he can help me out there. Thanks, TJ.
But the locker combination. I didn’t know it. I looked at that piece of paper days ago and SO MUCH has happened since then. And when I looked at it, I wasn’t trying to memorize it because there was no way I was going to forget this piece of paper on the first day of school. No way.
Crap.
Out of nowhere, Mr. Jacobi, the headmaster of the lower school (grades 5–7) walked by and I guess he got some vibe that I was in deep shit. I was just standing at my locker spinning the numerical dial…flat out guessing at that point.
Assuming the problem was that I didn’t yet know how a numerical padlock worked, he stopped to help and asked me what my combination was.
Well…yeah. That’s the problem.
I didn’t tell him I already knew how to work the dial but just didn’t have my combination. I couldn’t. It’s hard to explain but if you don’t understand, please consider reading the first four sentences of this blog post again. I thought it would look bad on a first day when I was trying to make an impression and I was super intimidated. I just froze.
Avoiding eye contact, I mumbled three numbers. I kind of, sort of, knew one or two of them…I think, but not really. Again, I looked at the sheet days before and when I did, it wasn’t like I was studying it to memorize it.
As for the order of the numbers, that was a 100% crapshoot. There’s no chance.
There he was, standing over my shoulder, showing me first to spin it around to the right a few times. Then find the first number…like that. Then, turn left but pass the second number and keeping going until you find it on the next pass…like this. Then, turn right again and stop at the third number, just like that.
From when he started all this, I had already skipped ahead to the part where it doesn’t open. What then? What the f**k do I do then? Think fast. C’mon…..think!
“Then, all you have to do is pull this up and open the door.”
Just as he said that, he did it. He pulled up the latch, and pulled the door open.
HE PULLED THE DOOR OPEN. You guys, the combination I gave him was right.
“Got it?”
“Ummm, yes sir. Thank you so much.”
I tried to play it cool. Mr. Jacobi walked away, and I tried my best to not cry at the beautiful magic I just witnessed. There is no way that just happened.
I took a breath because it felt like I hadn’t done that in kind of a long time. Then, I WROTE THAT SHIT DOWN.
It didn’t make any sense
Was it luck? Maybe partially, but whatever subconscious memory I had of seeing that number a few times before was frantically searched for and found in those few seconds. Someone was looking out for me.
I still have no idea how I recalled those numbers, but the universe has been a slightly more beautiful place ever since.
Some things don’t have to be understood
Today, I don’t remember the combination, but I’ll never forget that occurrence. It’s a good reminder that although you can’t always count on it, whatever needs to happen will happen as long as you’re in a place to receive it.
I remember how my initial confusion and amazement of what just happened transformed into a kind of pride. I was proud that my brain — when under distress and acting entirely on its own — stepped it up and recalled the combination.
No matter what you’re doing, from starting a business to starting a family, there are going to be moments of total and complete uncertainty. Some might say that those moments are actually large periods of time, and some others might say that total uncertainty is pretty much all you’ll experience the entire time. It’s all kind of true.
But it’s in those moments where you’ll be shown something. It might be a disaster. It might be pure magic. But pay attention because the more you find yourself in an uncertain, “this-can-go-either-way” kind of situation, the more the universe will show you what it’s made of.
It’s not all going to be great and have a happy ending like this particular story of mine, but have faith that there are other inexplicable factors at play here, and your mind has a way of surprising even you.
The combination was on my arm in big black marker for day #2 and you know what? I didn’t need to look at it the whole day.
#bewhatyoumake
