The rub: If you need it, it’ll never come.

A few months ago, I ran into a former coworker from many years ago. We both worked in the creative department of a large communications firm and it was good to see her. We weren’t super close, but we have mutual friends with which I am still close, so we did the whole small talk thing.

She asked what I’ve been up to and I gave her the two-sentence story about my starting a business venture. She immediately responded with a question that, I admit, threw me off a little:

“Are you funded?”

That was her first question. Not “How did you come up with the idea?” or “Is it fulfilling work?” or “How long have you been at it?” Right off the bat, it was if I had investors. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not a weird question at all, but it feels like it’s at most the third or fourth question you ask.

It shouldn’t have, but it bugged me.

And then I realized why. Some people aren’t wired to validate themselves from within. They need that external validation to feel like they’re doing something of value, something good, something people want.

I’m not talking about the business idea of “market validation,” which is definitely needed. I am talking about the kind of validation where the premise is that other people’s opinions of you are worth more than your own. Where your life/idea/art/business/whatever is only as good as other people say it is.

Oof. You guys. That sucks.

Ok, I get it. Other people’s opinions are sometimes worth something, sometimes even worth a lot. But more than yours when it’s about you? No way, man. C’mon. That question, in her mind, was a way to ask if my venture was “successful” or not. That was the only way she was able to, in two seconds, bestow upon my venture the glamorously ambiguous title of “successful.”

I replied that it was a self-sustaining and growing business. Also, you know that thing where people smile while holding eye contact for a second too long to passive-aggressively make a point? Yeah, well I totally did that and yeah, she got the point. Sorry, not sorry [shrug].

Flashback to 2002.

The experience reminded me about instances years ago when I was a drummer for a band and people kept asking us if we were signed on a label (it’s worth noting that we were never pursuing a deal). We initially took that as a compliment — meaning that they thought we should be or assumed we were — but then, with repeated asks, it just got stupid. We started to wonder how it even mattered.

If you enjoyed the performance, then does it matter if we’re signed? Is it possible that you liked the show, and then learned that we weren’t signed, and then retroactively didn’t enjoy the show that much? If yes, then you need to go home and rethink your life. Sorry…love you…but yeah, you really need to go do that because that’s dumb.

Inside out.

Building Magic Room Brand has taught me a lot, as documented in every single entry of this very blog you’re reading, but perhaps one of the biggest lessons is to never wait for — or pursue — external validation.

If you don’t feel what you have is awesome, then no one else ever will.

Oh my god, I am coming so close to writing a “just go out there and believe in yourself” post right now and I am so, so sorry.

For real though, build something so great that you don’t need to validate it to anyone. Make it something that either they get, or they don’t (which is ok) — but either way, you have big plans and have found a way to make it all happen. Then, make it all happen.

External validation is great, but don’t ever wait for or rely on it. In the end, it’s really only worth something when it reflects what you’ve internally known all along.

#bewhatyoumake