Real Wins. Every Time.

My sister and I are in charge of Thanksgiving Day planning this year. Usually, it’s our older sister that handles all the planning, but she passed the torch this year so we’re doing our thing…and by that, I mean that my middle sister is running with it and doing everything. She’s good at it. I’m just trying to not get in the way and mess stuff up.

But, I have a feeling that the one place where I’ll be asked to contribute is the toast. The part where public speaking is involved. Not middle sister’s strength. To be fair, it’s not really mine either, but as someone who has performed on stage quite a bit, I’m used to keeping nerves at bay for a little while as needed.

That said, I admittedly have a little bit of a bad habit when it comes to speeches like this: I don’t prepare. Like, at all. I ask for everyone’s attention, and then proceed to just flat out wing it. Usually, I have no recollection of what I even said, similar to that one scene in Old School where Will Ferrell’s character is in a public debate with James Carville.

Stepping On My Rhythm. Stealing All My Lines. 

There was the time in 2009 when I was the chair of the St. Louis National Kidney Foundation Kidney Walk. I was a board member of the NKF chapter here and the Kidney Walk was (and is) the largest fundraising effort for the chapter all year. It was a ton of work, but a cause close to my family’s heart so it was worth it. On the day of the event, my part of the thank you speech was to formally thank our corporate sponsors. I was given a written list. Easy enough.

But then, the Executive Director, who was addressing the crowd just before me, started to thank the corporate sponsors. Wait wait wait…what?

“He’s saying my part. He’s saying my part,” I kept repeating to his assistant. “What am I supposed to say now?!”

Just then, I heard, “So please give it up for this year’s chair, Vijoy Rao, who has a few words he’d like to say to you all!” He started towards me to hand me the microphone. People were clapping. I handed the list to his assistant in a “welp, not gonna need this” kind of way. She was wide-eyed and asked what I was going to say. I smiled, told her I had absolutely no idea, and walked out to grab the mic.

From what I remember, I think I mostly talked about the NKF’s mission and what it meant to my family and how we were happy to see such a great turnout. I threw in some jokes, too, because that’s what I do. I got some laughs. I considered it a win.

My Big, Fat, Bundle of Nerves

Then there was the time I was the best man at my friend’s wedding. He was the best man in mine so yeah, he returned the favor. It was great. His wedding was beautiful and everyone was in such a great mood all day. One of the best weddings I’ve ever been to or have been a part of. But, the knowledge that I would have to address the entire crowd at the reception loomed. I tried to not let it ruin the day for me, and it didn’t, but man it came close. Unlike the speech at the NKF Walk where I didn’t have time to be nervous, this time, I had ALL DAY LONG to let the nerves sink in and have their way with me. My nerves were being assholes.

It was a Greek wedding and Greek food is some of my favorite. And there was so much food everywhere. I was too nervous to even eat and I was pissed about it. Then it was time for the speeches. I had to follow some other speeches and goddammit, they were great.

It was my turn. A few minutes of me talking about the groom and the bride and the beautiful wedding…threw in some jokes, because that’s how I do it, and I was done. The bride was crying and smiling. I considered it a win. I sat down and ate a lot, and drank a lot, and danced a lot, and drank a lot.

Thanksgiving 2017

Then there’s tomorrow. We’ll see how tomorrow’s toast goes, but here’s what I’ve learned about winging it: it kind of doesn’t matter if it’s “bad” or “good.”

To this day, I can’t (nor will I ever be able to) tell you that those off-the-cuff speeches were “good.” Maybe they were. Maybe they were just flat out awful. I don’t give a shit because it turns out that it doesn’t matter at all. The one thing I can say is that they were 100% REAL. In the end, good or bad, THAT’S what is memorable and THAT’S what touches people.

We all want to be “good.” I get that. In all aspects of life and business and whatever else. But in the end, in the battle of “good” vs. “real,” go with “real.”

“Good” now can be perceived as something else later. But “real” is a constant. “Real” is something that people can appreciate even if they don’t agree. “Real” is timeless, and is sometimes the only thing that we have left.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Hear, hear!

#bewhatyoumake